Self-confidence has always been an elusive term for me.
I never could quite grasp it, perhaps it was because I didn’t feel adequate.
All of this to say that I no longer feel that way. I am trying to be okay with uncertainty, namely because I cannot expect everything to be given to me beforehand on an agenda. I think I used to want that or at least all of my ducks in a row before I would “act” upon any opportunity. Everything I want to type here sounds extremely cliche, yet that is exactly what I am trying to stay away from as I type this. Honestly though, I just want prayer.
I think I am better at conversation than writing, except with writing there aren’t any awkward pauses.
Excitement consumes me as I think about future things. I am okay with who I am.
I have poured over accepting an mission internship next summer at my church. I just wasn’t sure, not to mention the many excuses I created for why I should not take this opportunity. Amazingly enough, everything in the past few weeks has pointed exactly at this internship. People, quiet times, experiences, etcetera: all have influenced this decision.
I never could have conjured this up for myself, and as silly as it may sound, I feel like the desires deep down in my heart are being fulfilled.
This is the longest post I written in a while, but its meaningful. That should count for something.